I don’t feel like writing much this evening, so I’m not going to force myself to write something and ramble on and on about basically nothing. The past several evenings I’ve gone to bed listening to some of my favourite songs, just soaking in the lyrics, silently singing (or praying) along. And I decided to share links below, if perhaps you just want to sit back and bask in the His love and glory and grace with me. *smiles* (I’ve also included some snippets of my favourite parts of the lyrics.)

What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road:

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

The Only Thing by Ronnie Freeman:

I know me well enough to know
No matter what this life may show
The only thing that’s good in me is Jesus

I Surrender by Kim Walker:

If worship’s like perfume, I’ll pour mine out on You.
For there is none as deserving of my love like You.
So take my hand and draw me into You,
I want to be swept away, lost in love for You.

Have Your Way by Britt Nicole:

Even if my dreams have died,
And even if I don’t survive,
I’ll still worship You with all my life.

If You Want Me To.

Why?

It’s a question that all of us ask at one time or another in our lives. It’s a question that we tend to ask far too often. And I’m just as guilty as anyone for asking it. When situations are difficult, when we don’t understand, we question God’s reasons, His plan for our sufferings. When things just don’t go our way, we question Him. When we, as finate beings, cannot comprehend God’s infinate workings through the fog, we question Him.

And if we don’t get a response that works for us, we stop right there. As human beings, if things are difficult, we tend to just remove the difficulty, try to imagine that it’s not there. But in reality, we can’t. I can’t. No matter what I do to block out the tough situations, they will still loom ahead of me. So we have a decision. We can either 1. trust God or 2. try to handle it on our own.

Is it that hard? Anyone in their right mind would easily just want to trust God. But is it that easy? We want to cling to our pride, thinking we can do it on our own. But we can’t. It’s as simple as that. And slowly, I’ve been learning that.

Only recently did I realize how hard it is for me to truly trust God with every aspect of my life, including the difficult moments. But I’m beginning to grow, and I believe my constant prayer is mirrored in Ginny Owens’ If You Want Me To. Her song is quite the encouragement… and hopefully it is for you also.

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I go through the valley If You want me to

‘Cause when I cross over Jordan
I’m gonna sing, gonna shout,
Gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You
And I will walk though the valley
If You want me to

So Much to Be Thankful For.

I’ve decided that in these several days until Christmas I would post a little about my thoughts about Christmas,  as a little way of preparing myself, preparing my heart, getting myself in the right place. This Christmas has really been a strange one for me, I will admit. Things just haven’t been “normal” per se. Being around tons of family, scurrying about at the last minute buying gifts, celebrating the more material side of Christmas… I haven’t really concentrated on these sorts of things. In fact, in a conversation with a friend very recently, I realized how I really wasn’t that excited for Christmas. I was having an Ebenezer Scrooge moment. “Christmas? BAH HUMBUG!” I was wrong, of course… and I realized that in listening to a certain song by one of my favorite artists, Josh Groban. My mother recently purchased his newest Christmas CD, Noel, and I have been quite enthralled at the entire album, but especially one track, Thankful. The title in itself basically sums up the entire song, but yet, I love the reminder it brings. The lyric (and a youtube link for those who have not heard it) are below.

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can’t see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can’t see.
It’s up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There’s so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There’s so much sorrow
It’s way too late to say
I’ll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It’s so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can’t see
It’s up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There’s so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences
There is a place we’re all connected
Each of us can find each others light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can’t see
It’s up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There’s so much to be thankful for

Yes, there’s so much to be thankful for. I told my friend, as she was hugging me and feeling rather sorry for me in not having a “normal” Christmas this year, ”I guess I’m used to having family all around, and parties and togetherness… and this year, I haven’t really had that. But then I realize that it’s not all about all that stuff. So I’m happy. ^_^ I can celebrate the birth of a Savior, who came to die for me, to set me free, and *that* is worth celebrating.” And looking up at the first verse of the song, I just think, am I so blind that I can’t see the joy around me? So caught up inside ourselves. We take when we should give. I think of the Christmas that I’m missing because my older brother, who is always with us for Christmas, isn’t going to be there. I think of poor little Cheyenne who won’t have her *whole* family around for Christmas, and I get lost inside myself, someone who concentrates on what she’s missing this Christmas, when she should really concentrate on what she has, and the one eternal gift that has been given. There is truly so much to be thankful for. I have so much.

And, on Christmas, it’s not about me anyway. It’s about giving to others, and about finding peace in knowing that God sent His son to earth, to the darkest pits of sin, for me. A gift of love, life, light, to a world of hatred, death and darkness. A free gift. When I look into the world around Christmas, He gets forgotten. The chorus of Thankful states “It’s up to us to be the change and even though this world needs so much more…” It’s up to us… It’s up to me… I know of the true meaning of Christmas. I need to step up, get past my cold mush and gruel of Ebenezer Scrooge and share that I have so much to be thankful for, a Savior to the world. We all have so much to be thankful for, as Christians. We have joy. We have peace. We have life. I know I need to remember it more often, especially at Christmas. Even though I hear it every week in church, as our pastor speaks on Christmas, helping us get reading for the holiday… I need to begin to apply it. I need to get past myself, my sorrows, my grumblings, and concentrate on a little baby born in Bethlehem, a little King born to rule the world. That in itself is the greatest thing to be thankful for… the greatest thing of all.

I Wanna See: Amazing Grace

My sincerest apologies for not posting recently. I truly have no excuse. I do not monitor my time adequately to fit in writing things for my rather obscure blog. For those who happen to glance here occasionally to see the same poem, may your hearts be gladdened at the thought of something new to read!

In lieu of the new craze over The Almost/Aaron Gillespie and the tragic fact that my parents have once again blocked, I was rather ecstatic to find one of my favorite songs Amazing Because It Is perfectly placed in my iTunes music library. Oh, the wonders of having an older brother with decent music tastes who buys all of your favorite songs without your knowledge. That little fact aside, I have been sitting here in the silence of my bedroom with the lyrics repeating continually, echoing through my mind as well as through the speakers. How many times have I heard Amazing Grace, cried through it, smiled through it, kneeled through it, worshiped through it. I’ve grown up listening to it my entire life. It was probably the first hymn I ever learned. Yet every time I hear it, it pierces my soul. Amazing Grace. Grace that we don’t deserve, but that we cannot live without. Sometimes in my own life I feel like grace is like air. When we have Christ living within us, His grace, His mercy, His love saturate us, becoming everything we need. Yet, I know in my own life I forget that this is everything I need. I take His grace for granted, like the very air I breathe. I don’t have to worry if there is enough air for me to take another breath, because it’s always there. I altogether too often sit back and and allow His grace to cleanse me, to heal me, and I don’t realize just how much of a wretch I am.

I appreciate The Almost’s added verses to compliment the traditional Amazing Grace chorus. Below are the lyrics for those of you who have never heard the song.

I was so scared of everything you put in front of me
I’ve been arching every part of me
Just to see
See
Why you need me to be
The boy you need me to be

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saves a wretch like me
I once was lost
And now I’m found
Was blind but now I see

I just wanna see

I’m the type of person who lets fear drive
I’m the type of guy who lets it drive
Cause I’m addicted, I’m needy,
I’m lost without you
I need you
I need you

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saves a wretch like me
I once was lost
But now I’m found
Was blind but now I see.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saves a wretch like me: Amazing grace… two simple, little words that wrap up the entirety of all I hope in. My wonderful Savior shed his blood for me, a sinner, a wrench, a child of darkness who doesn’t deserve grace. Yet, He chose to save me. He wasn’t some puppet, maneuvered into giving his life. He wasn’t forced. He chose death so that I could be saved.

 I once was lost: Lost in my sin, lost in the darkness of myself, lost the deepest pits of my longing soul. Living for myself. Living for nothing more than another day. Living with no hope, no grace, no love. Completely oblivious to that man who hung on a cross, suffocating and bleeding, pierced and broken. Completely oblivious to that man who took my sins, the weight of every single evil I’ve done, I am doing, and I will do. Completely oblivious of his love, even then, thousands of years ago, as he heaved and suffered for me. Completely oblivious of his breath, crying out in agony for me, who wandered in the darkness.

But now I’m found: But yet, somehow I heard His voice. I heard His call, His plea for me to love Him, to accept His love, His grace for me. He took me by the hand, as I wallowed in the darkest pits of myself, putting His arms around me, hugging me, allowing me to breathe deep in His love, His amazing grace. Whispering in my ear, “You’re not alone anymore.”

Was blind: Lost in my ignorance. Blinded by my pride, my humility, myself. Everything about me blinded me from seeing Him. Everything I was, He was not. In looking to myself, I was not searching for Him. I was looking into a mirror, directed right at myself. Directed at the shadows in which I crawled. Though I saw life, I did not see life as it was meant to be. I saw a simple, blurred, darkened, grayed picture of what life was for me.

But now I see: But through His amazing grace, my blindness was cleared. My mirror no longer directed on me, but shone his love through me to others. The blurred, darkened, grayed picture of me was preplaced by a vivid, technicolour picture of Him. The smudged little me seemed insignificant compared to His glory, His wonder, His creativity, His everything.

And that’s how I want to live. Remembering His amazing grace. Remembering the wrench I was. Remember the wonder of His love, His mercy…  Because of His amazing grace, I will never be the same.