A Taste.

The aroma of fresh-roasted coffee-beans or the taste of a warm, frothy London Fog. That moment in the morning when you walk into the bathroom and the girls there simply smile and don’t say a word, because waking up is always so hard. Baggy sweatpants and loose pony-tails. The emphatic rejoicing of a gaggle of girls celebrating recent victories over papers and exams. Bible verses in the bathroom stalls. Laughter. Community. Building each other up a little more each day. Pointing each other more and more towards Him.

These are the sights, sounds and smells of a college dorm. (I spent the past weekend at Cedarville University with some friends.) And the more and more time I spend in said dorm, the more and more I cannot wait for my own. Only four more months until I am in Chicago at Moody Bible Institute. Only four more months until I make these friends and share this life and grow and change and be. Until I know which SDR meals are my favourites… or least favourites. Until I meet my roommate. Until I officially start the journey I’ve been moving towards and praying for my entire life thusfar.

Just getting a taste of college life is like whetting the palate. It’s like dangling a juicy bone before a famished dog with the promise of a treat to come soon. My fingers start to itch to dance on the keys of college life. My heart begins to beat a little quicker at the thought. And words cannot express just how much I cannot wait.

Reflections.

God is so good. There are nights (like tonight) when I sit back and see where He’s led me and how He’s changed me and I cannot help but be so grateful and full of thanksgiving and full of joy. Life has been such a journey these past several years… It has been one of the most rewarding times of my life, these years of waiting on God’s timing. This past year especially has been so fruitful, so full. Not without its problems, of course… so often, I threw myself against a proverbial brick wall, just praying that a door would appear, that the windows would smash open, because it was so hard in not moving on with my life. I thought that I needed to be on the mission field. I thought I needed to be on the front lines, but He knew so much more than I ever could have imagined. Oh, but doesn’t He always?

He gently took me and asked me, “Cheyenne. You’re asking me to lead you…What does your location matter? When where you are and the job that you possess and the people you are around… when all these are stripped away, when it’s just You and me, what will matter?” And I tossed the question about. And then I realized that I was concentrated so much on experience and getting my hands dirty and doing work for Him, that I became concentrated on the wrong things. I needed this year off of school to get my concentration back upon Him. My prayer has changed from, “God, reveal to me where I should go,” to one of, “God, help me to become who You made me to be.” “Lead me to Ireland or Trinidad or Chicago” has become “Lead me to Your heart.” And it has been such a lovely transition and I pray each and every day will find me growing deeper and deeper in love with Him, and more and more like Him.

In receiving my acceptance letter from Moody Bible Institute and registering for classes in the fall…a new chapter in my life is beginning to unfold. A new chapter filled with many new hurdles to leap and mountains to climb and valleys to conquer. New people to meet and new concepts to learn and new opportunities to take. But above all else, when all of this is stripped away, of this I stand confident: Jesus Christ has begun a good work in me and He’s going to continue to it until He calls me home (Philippians 1:6).  And no matter what grades I make, or what classes I take, or what cafeteria meals I love (or hate), He will remain and I will remain in Him, as He leads me on, as He draws me closer to Himself, as He leads me to His heart.

(And as a new chapter of life begins to unfold, I felt this blog also could use a revamp. As He grows and changes and molds me more and more in these coming years and as I sincerely pray my writings and His words will impact the hearts of those who read, it seemed appropriately to title the blog accordingly. So thus, voila. To Your Heart. )

I’m a donkey.

Imagine for a moment this scenario. It’s the first Palm Sunday, and here comes Jesus riding into Jerusalem on a donkey. The crowds begin to shout “Hosanna! Hosanna!” The donkey pricks up his ears. Some in the crowd throw their coats in the road; others spread out palm branches. “Well!” says the donkey to himself, switching a fly off his back. “I had no idea they really appreciated me like this! Listen to those hosannas, would you. I must really be something!” He trots on like a noble stallion, with every click clack of his hooves on the ground, his pride puffing with every passing moment. With every passing moment, as the crowd continues to cheer and sing their praises, the stupid little donkey forgets that he is only the messenger.. in fact, he altogether forgets the most important thing: the King.

How fitting is it that Jesus rode a donkey into Jerusalem? A little lowly donkey whose reputation is stubbornness and laziness. The animal that won’t move unless he has a carrot in front of his nose or prodded with a sharp stick. This is who Jesus chose to ride into Jerusalem?

How fitting is this question for us, Christians, little Christs? How often do we, in our moments of pride and glory, when we perhaps share our faith with a friend, or take a small part in an evangelistic event, or lead an especially Spirit-moving worship service, point to ourselves? “Look, God! Did you see what I did today? Did you see me? Me, Lord! Me!” Yet He chooses us… disgraceful, clumsy, inexperienced, loud and braying… He chooses us to bring Himself glory.

I’ve had the privilege of leading worship for many years and have been a part of many times where the Spirit moved and lives were changed. As a worship leader, you are in a position where people sometimes come around after the service and say, “Wow! That was terrific!” Our ears prick up. Our prides mayhaps get a little puffed up. Sometimes we have our moments of donkey-ness and we think we’re something special.

But then we remember, they’re not actually saying hosanna to you. Their lives weren’t changed or affected because of anything you did, anything that I did, but because of who Christ is and what He has done. All you did, little donkey, was bring them to Jesus.

“Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.” -John 13:16

Worthy of the Calling

“I, therefore, as a prisoner in the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling you have received…” (Ephesians 4:1, ESV).

I have been pondering this verse for the past couple days. Tossing about this idea of living in a way that is worthy of the calling. What does it mean… walking in a manner worthy of the calling? What calling?  Once I understood what Paul was meaning behind this verse, I asked myself: Am I living in such a way?

Let’s  understand a few biblical definitions. Firstly, the word “calling.” The greek word is kaleo, meaning to called by name, to be given a name.

There is a calling that is higher than all others and is the highest privilege. The calling Paul is speaking of is this: the calling to be a child of God and a member of the body of Christ.  When you put your faith in Jesus Christ, you become a very child of God and a member of His family. You are given a name by Him. You are called. Your identity is found in Christ. We were once spiritual orphans, fatherless, but we were “adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 1:5). We were spiritually poor, but He gave us the “riches of His glorious inheritance” (Ephesians 1:18).

I am reminded of 2 passages. 1st Corinthians 6:9-11, which states: “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

1st Peter 2:9. “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

Because of Christ’s calling us, we are changed and our sins are forgiven. We no longer are dead in our sins.  We were called out of darkness into the light and eternal salvation that comes through Jesus Christ. Thus we are called to become like Christ in our identities, in who we are in Him.

The root of the Greek word “worthy” in Ephesians 4:1 is translated as: of equalizing or balancing the scales. Thus, the Christian’s lifestyle ought to be equalized with his identity. There should be perfect harmony, a perfect balance, between who you are and how you live. To borrow the colloquialism, Christians must both “walk the walk” and “talk the talk.” Christians must live like representations of the God and Savior we serve.

This is why Paul urges us to live a life worthy of such a high calling. We were called to make His objectives and goals our objectives and goals. We were called to fashion our lives to mirror Christ’s. The word Christian itself means “little Christ.” Our identity is found in Him. And we were called to grow and to mirror Him in all that we do. We are to act as He acted, walk as He walked, serve as He served, love as He loves. “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps” (1st Peter 2:21).

Is the worthy walk easy? Not always. Hardly ever, in fact. Paul was imprisoned in Rome for walking in such a way. He faced persecution and death on multiple occasions. Nevertheless, it never once wavered his commitment to live a life worthy of our Lord. In fact, he wrote these words as a steadfast testament to the worthy walk: “For to me, to live is Christ. To die is gain.” No Christian, when he comes to die, will regret living his life worthy of the calling, If our sole aim in living, like Paul’s, was to glorify and imitate Christ. And there is no greater aim… no higher calling than this.

Update.

Hello friends. It has been about 10 months since I truly wrote something of substance in this blog. My apologies. Life has indeed had its up and downs in these past months, and I would like to finally write about where God has been leading me and lead me in the midst of this entire year. To fill you in on some of the happenings, I graduated from high school this past June. Hoorah! I now work full-time hours working in a restaurant, saving money for college in the Fall of 2012. I have not gone on a missions trip in a year and I could not be more content in His plan for my life.

Throughout this past year, God’s answer to all of my questions can be summed up in one simple word… “Wait.” Lord, should I go to college right away? “Wait.” Lord, I so desperately want to go on another missions trip! “Wait.” Question. “Wait.” Pondering. “Wait.” It has become the central theme of where I am in life right now.

And for anyone who knows me, this concept of waiting was something I struggled with for the longest time. I very much want to go and be in the mission field and bring glory to His kingdom in the seemingly small and insignificant way I can. Every bone in my body groans with a passion to see others grow closer to my Saviour. And in making decisions to stay home, I often questioned if I made the right decision in not applying for colleges when all my friends are going off to college. It left me stuck here in little ol’ Wisconsin, just waiting. But in these moments of doubt and questions, I take a look at His word and rest upon His promises.

This I say in encouragement to those of you who may be waiting on God’s voice in a decision, wondering if He hears your prayers or cares about the passion that’s burning inside you… Don’t lose heart. I’m here in Wisconsin for another year because this is my mission field. Right here. In my home. At my workplace. I’m waiting on His timing, but it doesn’t mean that I’m going to waste a year away. I have a perfect opportunity to read and study His word and grow more and more in my relationship with Him. Yes, I don’t quite understand why He has me waiting to “jumpstart” this new chapter of my life, college and beyond. But this I do know. He has a plan that is so much greater than mine, and He orchestrated my paths even before I was born. He works everything out for the good of those who love Him, and in this I confidently stand. And this is true for all those that have faith in Jesus Christ.

Yes, though the future still looms ahead and decisions must soon be made about which college to attend and where my life is headed and all of those seemingly daunting questions, I have perfect peace in the present… and in the future to come. His Word is true and I will wait confidently with expectation for all He has planned for my life.

“Wait on the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord.” -Psalm 27:14

“I will instruct you and inform you in the way you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you.” -Psalm 32:8

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” -Proverbs 16:9

“It is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” -Philippians 2:13

“Thus says the Lord, Your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: ‘I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go.’” -Isaiah 48:17

(And as a note, I will be writing more frequently. I promise. Thanks for reading!)

Really?

The following is an entry from my journal, written during my missions trip to Ireland.

July 31st, 2010
For whose glory am I living?
Really? Is it really for His glory?
I thought it, but do I live it?
At the end of the day, do I transfer the glory to Him? Do I humble myself in all circumstances? When everything in me screams to be noticed, wants to puff myself up with pride, do I lower myself and lift up His power in my life?

I’m sick of bringing worthless sacrifices to the altar. I’m tired of sticking my filthy rags proudly in His face, thinking He has to accept them. Because He doesn’t. He doesn’t have to love me and care for me. He doesn’t want a plethora of Bible verses learned or missions trips taken if I only bring glory to myself. He wants a humble heart, moldable clay, not snobbish pride and a brittle heart… He wants a broken, contrite heart.
Is that me? Really?
Be honest with yourself. I think you know the answer.

Real Love.

I believe almost every Christian has heard the song They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love at one time or another. After listening to this song a couple weeks ago, and upon reading Amy Carmichael’s novella “If” (see previous blogpost for more), I was really intrigued by this idea and pondered what true, Christian love really should be.

Real Christian love isn’t candy-coated, Hallmark-stamped or conditional. It isn’t dependent upon whether the love is reciprocated. And most importantly, it’s not hypocritical. Christian love should be real, should be penetrating. Real Christian love is a love that pulls us right out into the thick of human living, right into the midst of all the sorrow and darkness and pain. Real Christian love is a love so radical that it is beyond judgement, a love that offers a tiny glimpse of the kind of love God extends to us.

But… do we actually love this way? Does the world really know we are Christians by our love anymore?

Let’s take a look at 1st John 4:7-12, 16-19, one of the most challenging passages about love within the whole Bible, in my opinion.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us…

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
We love because He first loved us.” -1 John 4:7-19

“We love, because He first loved us.” Is this really how we love? We all have heard the stories of first-time Christians being so passionate about their baby faith that they go out and they tell everyone they know. They have no inhibitions. They simply share their faith, share the love that comes from Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, and bring souls to Christ because they can’t hold it in. They have experienced the love of God and can’t help but let it out for the world to see. That’s how real Christian love is supposed to be. But all too often, the longer we profess faith in God, the easier it is for our faith to become stagnant. We get comfortable. We settle for something less than we were made for.

But remember this: Jesus Christ didn’t die on the cross so that we can just live comfortable lives. Jesus Christ didn’t go through floggings and taunting and persecution so that we could keep our faith to ourselves. We weren’t given life so that we could just exist.

We are never the same when we experience the love of God. We, as Christians, know this! We can look back at our lives before putting our faith in Christ and look at our lives now, and we see the difference. We know firsthand what it’s like to have a life completely transformed, a life completely changed because of love. But what do we do about it?

How do you love? Examine yourself, as I have examined myself time after time during the weeks it has taken me to write this post. Do you love your co-workers with the same love with which you love your church family? Do you love the nameless, homeless lost people on the streets as you love your best friend? Do you have a burning passion inside because you know how you’ve been changed by the love of God? Or do you simply sit back and horde that love, the life-changing, indescribable love that God has demonstrated on the cross, to yourself?

I have people all around me… at work, at my church, in my own family… that have never truly experienced the love of God. Am I so afraid of being hated a little that I don’t share God’s love with them?

Do I not care about the people around me enough that I will sentence them to an eternity in hell because I didn’t have the guts to tell them about Christ?

It breaks my heart so deeply, because I know that it’s true. We’re afraid of being persecuted. We’re afraid of being rejected. But Christ himself was forsaken by those closest to him. Christ himself was persecuted and rejected by those He came to save. And ultimately, He loved them regardless of whether they accepted Him or not.

God has called us to something more, friends.  Real Christian love is a love that pushes us to action.  Real Christian love is a love that burns a hole in our hearts when we do not share the truth of who God is and what He has done on the cross with those who have never heard. Real Christian love is a love that tells the truth,  even… especially in the midst of persecution. Real Christian love is a love that changes lives, because it all points back to Jesus Christ.

They will know we are Christians by our love.

The question is, do they know that of you? Do they know that of me?
“This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us…No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, His love is made complete in us.”
Think about it.

Calvary Love.

I was planning on finishing up a new blog post, but before I do, I wanted to share with you the writings of one of my heros, Amy Carmichael, a missionary in India who opened an orphanage in Dohnavur. I came across these particular notes, simply titled “If” during my missions trip to Ireland, and was instantly convicted and challenged. So before I blog again, I pray that you really ponder and are convicted by this, as they tie very well with the next blogpost I hope to be writing soon.

IF… I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… I can easily discuss the shortcomings and sins of any; if I can speak in a casual way even of a child’s misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… In dealing with one who does not respond, I weary of the strain, and slip from under the burden, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… I cannot catch “the sound of noise of rain”* long before the rain falls, and, going to some hilltop of the spirit, as near to my God as I can, have not faith to wait there with my face between my knees, though six times or sixty times I am told “there is nothing,” till at last “there arises a little cloud out of the sea,” then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… I have not the patience of my Saviour with souls who grow slowly; if I know little of travail (a sharp and painful thing) till Christ be fully formed in them, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… I cannot keep silence over a disappointing soul (unless for the sake of that soul’s good or for the good of others it be necessary to speak), then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned would say, “You do not understand,” or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other’s highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… I fear to hold another to the highest goal because it is so much easier to avoid doing so, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… I say, “Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget,” as though the God, who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world, could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… the care of a soul (or a community) be entrusted to me, and I consent to subject it to weakening influences, because the voice of the world – my immediate Christian world – fills my ears, then i know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… I slip into the place that can be filled by Christ alone, making myself the first necessity to a soul instead of leading it to fasten upon Him, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… I ask to be delivered from trials rather that for deliverance out of it, to the praise of His glory; if I forget that the way of the cross leads to the cross and not to a bank of flowers; if I regulate my life on these lines, or even unconsciously my thinking, so that I am surprised when the way is rough and think it strange, though the word is,
“Think it not strange,”
“Count it all joy,” then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… the ultimate, the hardest, cannot be asked of me; if my fellows hesitate to ask it and turn to someone else, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF… I covet any place on earth but the dust at the foot of the cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

The question I ask myself is this; Do I know anything of Calvary love?

Parched.

The desert. A place of isolation and desolation. There is no shade to keep the sun from beating incessantly down. There is no water to parch the thirst. There is absolutely nothing to sustain you. You look around for miles, and there is nothing but sand. Nothing but barren waste. No sound but the forlorn whistle of the wind.

What happens when we, as Christians, have “desert experiences?” We forget the taste of water. We forget the moments of joy. It’s all but a distant memory. Sometimes we don’t feel God’s presence or hear His voice. We wonder…how can anything good come from these times? We cry out to God, asking Him to give us the strength, the provisions, the peace we need. “I spread out my hands to you, my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.” (Psalms 143:6) And sometimes, He chooses not to answer. Sometimes all we feel is the sun beating hotter. The loneliness grows more prominent. The silence becomes deafening.

We cannot lose heart. When we examine the Israelites, the nation who wandered around in the wilderness, in the desert, for 40 years, we come across a possible purpose for their (and our) experiences.

“Remember how the Lord your God has led you in the desert for these forty years, taking away your pride and testing you, because He wanted to know what was in your heart. He wanted to know if you would obey his commands” (v. 8:2).

God’s purpose and plan may never become evident to us. We may never understand why He has us go through these dry spells. But that’s not the point. The point is that we cling to Him to be our provision, even when we can’t feel Him or hear Him. Yes, no one enjoys experiencing difficulties in life. Pain hurts. Desolation hurts. But if we can somehow embrace these dry times as an opportunity to develop a more intimate, healing relationship with God, we will demonstrate a faith which will shine brightly for others. We will also clearly find His strength and solace in the midst of our greatest challenges.

The desert is a place where we are tested in our faith in Him- a place that reveals the true nature of our hearts. Will we stand the burning sand and the blazing sun?

This is my prayer in the desert,
When all that’s within me feels dry.
This is my prayer in my hunger and need.
My God is a God who provides.

All of my life,
In every season,
You are still God.
I have a reason to sing.
I have a reason to worship.

Wasted.

At times, I feel there is no real purpose. I wander aimlessly through my life, going here and there, rambling on, ambling on. The hours tick by, wasted. I look back on my day and wonder what I did that really mattered. On goes my daily routine. Schoolwork. Chores. But did I desire to do something more than the ordinary? Did I do anything that was worth my time?

Have I wasted my life? Have I thrown away precious hours, hours that will never come back? Oh, how easy it is to justify my time. My hours spent on the computer could count as “encouragement” as I chat with my friends. My hour spent watching TV could count as “catching up on world news.” (ha. right) Some things just need to be done. Piano needs to be practiced. Floors need to be vacuumed. To-do lists haunt my mind, constantly pointing out the things I need to get done. But did I pick up my Bible today? Did I take a moment to sit back and pray, thanking God for these precious moments?

Yes, there are times when I feel complete. Moments when I get it and I have the “A-ha!” moment when I feel truly content with the way things are. But are you content, friend? How do you spend your days? Have you wasted your life thus-far?

I am getting more and more excited for this summer, as I begin to realize it will suck the very life from me. Spiritually…. mentally… physically… I’m going to be completely immersed. In those times when I would normally just sit back by the pool, have sleepovers with friends, watch movies… I’m going to be working and evangelizing and being intentional, 24/7. I won’t have just wasted a summer. And I cannot wait.