One Year.

Well, today marks the one year anniversary of coming home from my summer-long missions trip to Ireland. How quickly time has passed, yet in that cliché way, it really only feels like yesterday. Only yesterday it feels I was saying my goodbyes to the team I had grown to love and cherish and being reunited with my family back home. Only yesterday it feels like I was stepping back into “real life” after an amazing God-filled summer, where His presence was evident and my faith grew by leaps and bounds.

Today has been filled with many musings. I skimmed through my pictures. I read through my journal. I watched the team scrapbook video. And I felt like sharing a bit of what happened in Ireland and why it’s a place so close to my heart.

I was called to go Ireland. God had put that specific country on my heart for about 3 years before the trip actually came to fruition. And that is why the trip was so much more than just a missions trip. I didn’t simply skim through the options of where to go and decide that Ireland sounded like an enjoyable place. God called me there. And there’s this thing about God’s calling. It’s addicting. It’s passionate. It gets in your bones and it won’t be easily shaken. So when I stepped off the plane and looked around me, there was such a sense of peace. In that moment, I was in the center of His will. There was no doubt in my mind that I was meant to be in Ireland last summer.

I never once got homesick (Sorry, Mum and Dad). And here’s why: Because I was in the center of God’s will. And when you are in the center of His will for your life, there is nothing but peace and contentment. I learned that last summer, and it has infiltrated my life right now, as I wait on His timing to know where to go to college and when and the like.

Last summer helped me realize just how small and insignificant I am, how weak I am compared to His strength, and that without Him, I am nothing. God cracked down on my pride in a really big way last summer and taught me the true meaning of humility. There were moments when I was so drained, physically, emotionally, spiritually, that I just left myself before the Lord and said, “Here. I don’t have anything left to give.” And it’s in those moments that He took me, and filled me up with Himself, and with it came joy overflowing. Very seldom was there a smile not on my face, simply because the love of Jesus Christ was in my heart. And that had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with Him! How amazing is He.

My team was absolutely amazing. Even though we’ve spent a year apart, they all still hold a large part of my heart. I couldn’t have asked for better teammates or better leaders. Of course, we had our moments and not everyone got along all the time, but we’re teenagers. And in the end, we all worked out our differences and learned to love unconditionally as Christ loves. I love each and every one of them and will always cherish the moments we all spent together. All the laughter. The jokes. The tears. The drama. The amazing God-moments. Those final goodbyes.

The memories become fuzzy at times. Perhaps I don’t quite recall every inside joke, or what happened when, or who said what, or who served which SBs, but I do know this. My trip to Ireland changed me. I couldn’t have imagined doing anything else with my summer. And now that I’m home, I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life. God’s put international missions on my heart. It’s what makes my heart beat faster. It’s a topic I could talk about for hours. It’s a clear call. I know it’s what I was made to do. Maybe in Ireland. Maybe in Africa. Maybe leading missions trips here in America. This I cannot say. But the prayer of my heart is this (taken from my Ireland journal, July 7, 2010):

“Sometimes God makes thing so abundantly clear. I hear His voice in ways I never would have imagined. That’s how I feel right in this very moment. I’m right where I need to be, in the center of His will, obeying His calling. There is no doubt in my mind that He has called me to ministry. It is evident that here is where I am most content, most alive. He’s given me a joy that I can’t hold inside, hope that cannot be quenched, light that cannot be smothered. And I may not know what the future holds, but I want to keep myself flexible and willing to move as He leads. I want to remain stuck in the center of His will. I will follow where He leads. I will listen when He calls. And I will jump when He says go.”

Really?

The following is an entry from my journal, written during my missions trip to Ireland.

July 31st, 2010
For whose glory am I living?
Really? Is it really for His glory?
I thought it, but do I live it?
At the end of the day, do I transfer the glory to Him? Do I humble myself in all circumstances? When everything in me screams to be noticed, wants to puff myself up with pride, do I lower myself and lift up His power in my life?

I’m sick of bringing worthless sacrifices to the altar. I’m tired of sticking my filthy rags proudly in His face, thinking He has to accept them. Because He doesn’t. He doesn’t have to love me and care for me. He doesn’t want a plethora of Bible verses learned or missions trips taken if I only bring glory to myself. He wants a humble heart, moldable clay, not snobbish pride and a brittle heart… He wants a broken, contrite heart.
Is that me? Really?
Be honest with yourself. I think you know the answer.

Ireland Contemplations (Back Home)

7 weeks. It’s hard to imagine that I’ve been gone for so long. It seems like only yesterday that I boarded my first plane to Orlando, tears in my eyes, feeling so small, wondering what my summer would hold. My ideas on what to expect were blurry and faded. I was facing this new experience with little to no idea what would happen. But I had a little faith and lots of trust that God would carry me through it all, not allowing my faith to come back void.

And it hasn’t. Yes, there were moments when I questioned why I ever left the comforts of home. Yes, there were plenty of opportunities when I sat back and cried, because things weren’t always easy. I had plenty of opportunities to turn back and not let God have full reign over me… but through His strength alone, I stand here today, completely reliant on Him, at the end of my trip.

I know this summer changed me. God changed me, molded me a little more into the likeness of His Son. I have had many opportunities to stand up for what I believe is right, and occasionally stood alone. The Cheyenne from 2 months ago probably wouldn’t have taken the risk. I’ve allowed myself to be open, to trust all people, even those I wouldn’t normally at home. He has given me a confidence, a boldness in Him, that I have never had before… and a peace in knowing that right now, in this very moment, I am in the center of His will for my life.

I have waited 3 years to finally go to Ireland. 3 long years of p raying and hoping and waiting on God’s timing. 3 long years full of wonderings: wondering whether it all was just a childish fantasy, wondering if I should just give up on the whole thing. But I held fast to my conviction, and I believe God has blessed me for it.

This summer was so different from what I expected. I expecting us to be going out into the community, spreading God’s love in a very open way. However, our evangelism was a different sort. In Ireland, open-air evangelism is against the law, and those who practice it could be fined and thrown into prison. So, we ministered to each other, shining God’s love, setting an example to our peers and friends. My key passage that God really encouraged me with this summer was Philippians 2: 14-15 (Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life). Everyday I would wake up and pray that God would use me as a light for Him, blameless and pure, without fault, above reproach. And He gave me a joy this summer that I’ve never had before. It’s like my cup of joy and hope was so full, I couldn’t help but share it with those around me.

And after all these changes,now that I am home and back to the same routine, I pray that He will keep me who I am right now. That I won’t just be satisfied to be the person I was and that I will constantly strive to be more like His Son. It will be so easy to go home and have this experience fade off into the distance, to become just a memory… but I pray this will not be so. I believe this summer is (and was) a stepping stone into my future.

Which leads me to the question: What’s next? What now? It’s Senior year. The prospect of college looms ahead. Where is He leading me now? What am I going to study? What will the future hold? It’s a question I’ve been praying about all throughout the duration of this trip… and though I don’t have definite answers, I have ideas. I know I want to spend my life in complete service to Him. I couldn’t be satisfied with anything else. And I know I want to work with teenagers, helping them find hope and light through the darkness. Where? I don’t know, but one thing I have learned is this: If we wholeheartedly desire to serve Him and act upon our convictions, He will bless us and make our paths straight.

And I know He also takes our fears and turns them into utter joys. Entering this summer, I knew no one on my team. I had a list of names of my team mates and wondered if I would even have one good friend. And now, after 7 weeks, I’ve made some of the most encouraging, closest friends I’ve never had. I have made friends I want to keep for the rest of my life!

And it’s all because of Jesus. It’s all because His blood covers us and brought us back to life and gave us a hope worth sharing.

Oh, there’s so much more I want to say. I could praddle on and on and on about this summer, and I’m sure there will be a great many more posts in the future, but for now, I want to end this with a challenge. Wherever you feel a tug on your heart that God is leading you to go somewhere or do something, just go. Don’t sit back and rationalize and pray and talk yourself out of it. It may seem scary or intimidating, but just trust Him. He has great things in store for those who allow themselves to be used by Him. I know from experience. It’s worth all the trials and tears. It’s worth all the loneliness and doubt. Because He is waiting, just waiting for you to jump off the edge, to take that first step.

The question remains… will you?

Boot Camp: June 23-July 13

Well, here I am in Merritt Island, Florida.  I’ve been here for 17 days of missions training…more appropriately called Boot Camp.  No A.C.  No flushing toilets.  No electronics of any kind.  Waking up at 5:30 a.m.  Blisters and humidity.  A very, very busy schedule.  Yes, most people would shudder at the thought, but it has been a very rewarding experience. 

Though the days are long and strenuous, our classes such as Evangelism 101, Servanthood and various other subjects have been challenging.  Being surrounded by hundreds of teens going to so many different countries (such as Malawi, Hong Kong, Samoa, Honduras, Beliz, Zambia and many more) is a unique experience and is also very encouraging.  It’s not very often I get to talk to peers with the common passion of missions.

Our Ireland team consists of 23 teens all with very different personalities.  We’ve had our ups and downs, with some emotional roller coaster moments, but all in all, we are slowly becoming more united.  Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in drama and complaining and arguments, but I am blessed that I hvae hope and optimism that has not yet been squelched.  ^_^

A passage that I have been pondering lately is Phillipians 2: 14-15 which says ” Do everything without complaining or arguing, ¹⁵so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe…”  I have been very convicted and encouraged by this verse.  How often do I argue with those around me when I am proud and unwilling to bend my will?  Yet, how can light shine through tainted vessels?  Blameless and pure children of God?  Is this what people think of when they see me?  Do I shine a light that is contagious?  Or do people just notice the hope that I have and simply pass it off as optimism?  What steps do I need to take to verbally state my faith?  How can I more effectively make sure 100% that I follow Christ?  It’s something that I am pondering and considering this summer.

We fly out to Ireland on Tuesday, July 13th.  Words can not express how excited I am….I will write another update soon after we arrive.

God’s blessings,  Cheyenne

Ireland: Final Thoughts

Well, there’s less than one hour until I leave my house to drive down to Milwaukee to fly out to Florida in the morning. And I don’t have much to say, but I wanted to post a poem written by our old worship pastor, Chad Baudhuin, on a wasted life. This poem has been an encouragement and a challenge to me, and I hope it will be to you as well.

A wasted life is a life left unused
Never offered in service to Him.
It’s focused only on I and on me
And grounded in the stink pit of sin.

But life without waste is a life instead
Of purpose that goes well beyond
Anything we could muster or make or conceive
And fixes our eyes soley on

The cross which offers a life sacrificed
The Savior who leads in the charge.
In Him we find all of life’s purpose and plan.
In death we find gain, and gain large.

So consider it joy that is pure, my friend,
To find in Christ Jesus this risk;
To take up your cross, to count it all loss
Without the regret of life missed.

Be all that we treasure, Lord, all that we love.
Be seen in all that we do.
Give us boldness of speech and courage to act
As more than a conqueror in You.

Let’s make much of Christ, friend, beginning and end
And raise up His name till we’re gone
And die without question, He’s used every day
For the Father, the Spirit, the Son!

Ireland: Packing Up, Heading Out

Well, this is probably my last blog post written here at home. Only 3 days left until I’m off to Boot Camp in Florida, and then to my final destination: Dalkey, Ireland. Goodness, how fast these past several weeks have flown by. Since my closest friends got off school, my days have been crammed with much exercising, hanging out with friends, reading, spending time with the family, bible studying… trying to pack as much “normal” summer as possible into 14 days. Not to mention all the shopping, packing, bible verse memorizing, testimony writing, trip related activities that have gone on additionally.

Getting ready to leave is very bittersweet. I have a lot of mixed emotions. I’m excited. I’m nervous. I’m content. I’m a little bit sad. I’m passionate. To think that God is finally pushing me off the edge I’ve been waiting at for so long gives me chills from head to toe. I’m so ready to plunge in… but there’s that lingering knowledge that I am going to be pushed past my physical, mental, spiritual and emotional limits, and it’s daunting. But I serve a God who wants me to cling to His strength, and so I’m at peace. (Someone should just get me a mood ring. ^_^)

I have been reading through the books of 1st Timothy as a devotion lately and came to linger on chapter 4, verse 12… probably the most widely-used passage when it comes to challenging young people. However, I’ve been really convicted lately with the real meaning behind what Paul meant when he exhorted Timothy.

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”

When Paul says, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young”, he doesn’t mean, of course, that Timothy is to go around and take issue with anybody who doesn’t like him… or to parade his maturity and responsibility around in a proud sort of manner. He means, rather, that Timothy is to be concerned about and aware of how he comes across to people; he is to be sensitive to how others see him. Definitely something to keep in mind this summer as I interact with all sorts of people with all sorts of lifestyles and beliefs. Additionally, as examples, we must first of all be loving rather than arrogant, rude, censorious, critical, cruel, or sharp in either word or deed. We must be faithful to our commitments, not toadying and flattering, using insincere words. We must not be irresponsible, unreliable, or a promise breaker. A pure life is the platform from which an effective ministry proceeds; without that, all the words mean nothing. Oh, it is my prayer this summer to live this way… and I pray with His help I can begin to achieve this.

There is so much I want to say, and certainly not enough time to write it all… So perhaps you should send me a letter once I’m gone so I can write to my heart’s content. (Check out my Facebook notes for details, if I know you.) Oh, and my mother will be posting updates as she gets them from me via snail mail. So don’t forget to check back here every once-in-a-while!

In Christ Alone,
Cheyenne